you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
