If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What changed your mind?
Being sober
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
