I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
