Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
