remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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