Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
