You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
