I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
