You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
