your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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