Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this boner is exhausting
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
