who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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