My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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