No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
