guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
