you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
soo... how was my night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
