Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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