the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
