Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
