thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
