i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
