I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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