And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
