one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
