soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bring me that man meat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
