My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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