I don't think brook has ever known best
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Too much gin, very little bucket
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
try to milk me bitch
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