Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
