we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
