this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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