I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
