Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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