i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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