Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
