And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
