dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
