I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
