Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
