And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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