You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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