Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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