sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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