I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
