it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
