i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
