Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
