I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
