it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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