remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
