Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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