i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
