I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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