i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
