____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cannot find my penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
