What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Randomize
