Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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