Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
