So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
