I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
