I cut my penus on the lid.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
