her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
