I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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