I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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