Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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