btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
