**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
