Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
