I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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