Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
