Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
