The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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