I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
