Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He is an equal opportunity slut.
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he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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