So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
