Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Who died my cat blue again?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
