So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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