he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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