The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."