Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think my cat just said my name.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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