put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there's paper in my vomit.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i drank out of a bidet.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
