you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
